i saw a guy balancing a black cat on his head last nite
get a pic
i tried he was too far away anotherguy was walking with paper bags on his feet explain that
i want ur life
so that girl updated her facebook status as "had the worst night ever last night"
um, i could be wrong but i think it might've had something to do with mark drunkenly screaming about her unibrow right in front of her
She walked in the room and sighed really loudly fishing for attention. but I didn't bite cuz I don't give a fuck what's wrong with her.
I bet her clit looks like pig in a blanket.
I bought a Christmas tree in my drunken state last night, after walking a half mile in search of vino and prior to my apparently playing boardgames with my boyfriend's family. There is no way you are on my level.
i luv seein jocks study. its like watching monkeys masturbate.
You just kept rubbing her head and repeating "I really like your head, I want your head..." over and over for like 10 minutes straight... And she didnt even stop you.
in the middle of fucking he asked me if i had gotten a haircut because he noticed i didnt have split ends anymore. i dont know what to think
I'm about to pick up E from underneath a random doormat.......how is this remotely normal?
Congratulations, I drank so much for your birthday that I'm shitting blood.
I vote we get high and sneak off to McDonald's to get mcflurries.
YES. ALL MY YES.
Was I drunk or did Alex not show up with 100 rainbow Jell-O shots?
He took some pill and now he's on all fours demanding we give him chips from the dog bowl. Come get him.
So adding to the list of things my boobs can do, sweeping with a broom is apparently a thing.
are you still alive?
no.
i'll cry at your funeral. and leave a burrito by your tombstone
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