You'll put your fingers inside me but you won't be my FB friend?
last night was fun... but i spent all morning tring to get the candle wax out of my chest hair. We did use candles last night?
I woke up with fried rice in my sweatshirt pocket came downstairs and found all the chicken in the fridge gone. I'm THAT roommate aren't I?
Lets start the night off early. Those Coronas arent going to throw themselves up.
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
Unlimited sex for unlimited netflix. I can deal with that. I think this is the first prostitution deal for netflix ever.
Can I come over? I respect you, but I want disrespectful things to happen
The lady at the Humaine Society gave me her nephew's number because I seem like a loving and caring person.
Does she know that each time you've adopted a new cat in the past year it's because some guy stopped fucking you and you don't want to eat your feelings?
After this week, alcohol is mandatory.
she's p upset bro
Where is he. I have a sword.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
I got a hand job after work. Remember those? From the 90s...
Nothing says hey I wanna be your friend again like ambushing me with a dick pic
I would drive 12 hours round trip for you to have an orgasm, cause that's friendship
"Because this is an ongoing legal matter" is how his morning after sex text began. So...
I'm now forever going to blame miss frizzle for making me the sexual deviant that I am today
His mom just pulled off a quadruple cockblock. I'm not sure if I'm mad or impressed?
Randomize