could you grab mr moo while you're at his apt?
you brought your stuffed animal to a booty call?
Our relationship just reached the stage where i can touch her boobs while making a honking noise without getting hit in the face
threw up in a bar last night and got laid on an air mattress. my bucket list just got a lot shorter
You are colorful like whore, yet adorable, like sad puppy. You need more drink.
So i told him he was the 3rd i have ever slept with and then i found out he had actually slept with 5 other girls besides me. And his reply was well your number one on this hand.
Yeah he's still asleep. I washed the blender out. He tried to make a ham-shake. Lets wait until after break to have that talk. I kind of want to see where this goes.
He won't ever take me seriously if I keep getting drunk and hooking up with all his friends.
Alright, deal. Settling two drug deals before noon is what I call a productive day. I'm not even gonna go to math, I've practiced enough numbers for the day.
I left my bra and a book at his place. He's a hot Scandinavian who is into physics and computers - had to step up my game.
Dude I sat in the corner of the party bobbing my head and singing danger zone
I'm pmsing and only have one functional foot
I woke up at 3am, top off, with campus security telling me to get dressed. Tonight was a GOOD NIGHT
My mom's yelling at me for being a whore and my dad's quizzing me on how to drive in winter weather....I'm home!
I mean I'm completely serious and also drunk.
What a great combination.
I only live four blocks from the bar but when you're hammered this walk feels like the journey through Mordor.
Randomize
