My mom came into my room and told me to flip off the tv. I gave it the middle finger. Note to self: STOP SMOKING THIS SHIT
anyone who buys me chipotle gets an automatic hj
just woke up with an anonymous loaf of bred in my bed and a piece in my mouth. this says alot about my life.
I feel like I could be a daytime drinking legend, like they could put that shit on my tombstone and right now your preventing me from reaching my full potential
she peed on how many people?
He said my breasts were God's way of making up to him for all the shit he's had to endure in his life.
I'm so proud of us for fucking the same friend group before we met in a completely unrelated instance.
But besides the pee thing, he sounds like a nice guy.
Sometimes I stop and laugh and think "and these are my actual life choices".
i'm just sitting here watching hocus pocus, eating takeout, and taking self esteem quizzes online while everyone is out partying. you tell me how my night is.
You overflowed the toilet cuz you tried to flush apples. you said they were singing too loudly
I guess crabs is what I get for sleeping with my ex.
Next time, dont ever let me talk to a guy drunk, especially if I have class with him the next day
Who do you have class with??
The guy that pulled down his pants in the middle of the dance floor to show me his tattoo
I'm hungover and eating lunch at an elementary school. The children are barking. Litrealy barking, like dogs.
Idk she seemed really innocent until she snorted that line of vicodin
Randomize
