it sucked. he totally couldn't get it up. blamed it on never having cheated b4. Couldn't stop laughing. fuck.
dude...I wrote 15 jersey shore quotes on her body. she is going to do the walk of shame with snookie on her forehead.
dude it was like an art museum there were boobs everywhere
Its ok. I handled the situation with grace and class. lol jk i got shitfaced and fucked his roomate.
His penis will pick the quickest route to vagina. it's like an biological onstar.
it was all good until he screamed "for fraaannnceee" on his last thrust
Don't worry that pussy is fresh, I'd brush my teeth with it.
Thats the last time im "arresting" you to get out of paying your bar tab.
What?! The only reason I married your sister is to have a Cop in the family!
I woke up with $140 in twenties in my bra and have never been more puzzled.
If I'm not drunk and wearing a penguin hat by the time we are done opening Christmas presents then coming home for Christmas was a complete failure
I'm drunk filing my taxes in a bar on a Monday afternoon in a Regular Show onesie. I think I'm starting to get the hang of this whole adult thing.
I just saw a kid on iowa campus story that looked like the guy i made out with on spring break.
So...I maybe walked across campus last night with my life size Joe Biden cut out.
I balled in the shower for 20 minutes, rolled up to the meeting late looking like a gremlin, and my one night stand was standing there in a suit
By the way, you're like fucking spiderman. I've never seen someone climb out of a car window that fast and eloquently.
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