i never thought i'd have to say "please stop having sex on me"
wow.
yeah, it was that bad.
If my nicknames are based on what I throw up, you can call me Jimmy Johns
I'm wayyy too drunk to be in a parade right now
My dinner was lean cuisine and tequila. Aaaaaand I need a boyfriend.
and thats when we got a drunken mammogram in the middle of cvs pharmacy
Omg just remembered. I tried to kidnap a dog.
Fuck my life, there's a fry in my vagina.
I would like to request a high five for getting laid while wearing crocs and a crab hat.
You texted me a picture of your face along with #help
Getting high in the car with mom and the aunts during intermission for drag queen bingo. Details later.
If everything else in my life fails, at least I just had one of my top orgasms
long story short, the bouquet was used as a sacrificial torch
So.. I was kinda upset i got the bad fuck out of the situation
I'm going to target high, just in case I ask you where my paycheck went later
Okay, but that still doesn't explain all the glitter in my puke.
Randomize
