she passed on me to fuck the foreign guy. is there a manlier, slightly less gay way of saying "always the bridesmaid, never the bride"?
nope.
There is something about weddings and lines being done off my ass
Why do I have peacock feathers super glued to my body?
there's a picture of you and pauly shore at a starbucks on my phone
Apparently she saw two women get in a slapping match over a comforter at target yesterday. She said it was awesome. Clearly I take after her.
How are you not embarrassed to know me. I'm a mess right now. I'm a walking, talking tornado of embarrassment
Jacked up my neck and shoulder hanging on for dear life while I rode him like a boss. Plus my house smells like broccoli, bad! How's YOUR morning?
I'm straight up riding in the back of my truck in a bean bag chair right now. Feet propped up and four loko in hand. Glorious.
I'm all dressed in my outfit from last night, and I'm not even the sluttiest person in Walmart right now. God bless Miami.
ok so i got home drunk and was cleaning my kitchen and i was shaking out the throw rug and dropped it out the window, i'm sorry
It's the third day of class and I got told I smell like a distillery.
I invited him to my hotel room via snapchat. I'm one hell of a classy bitch
I need a hoe opinion
go on
Hi I am on my way. I stopped and got the cheeseburger you asked for. Are you gonna pay me back?
Who is this?
thanks for the bj man. also make sure you close the gate behind you. the chickens are out.
Randomize
