You're my favorite asian/girl I've met here.
You're ridiculous
Your hot
I just got wrote up for "repeatedly smelling like alcohol"
That was long passed due.
At the bar dressed as a taco. not a typo. Come down.
its not college until your roomate walks in on you having sex in his bed. twice
Thank GOD those kids were having a lemonade stand, I didn't have anything to wash down my plan b with.
How many times do I have to drunk reject you for our friendship to become awkward? Cause were at 9 as of last night
Not sure if this is better or worse than the discovery that bourbon and hot chocolate is a viable combo
He's trying to marry me, when is the appropriate time to tell him my real name and that Dallas is a completely fictitious slutty alter ego? I need the advice of someone with morals.
In this town being related to a brewing family or the owner of a sports team is like being royalty. It's like hooking up with the queen's nephew or something.
This guy has a theme song for the joints he rolls
Also did I tell you guys about the time that I balled for like an hour at a frat and made them play wagon wheel and then cleaned their bathroom
Oh, btw, UPS might come by. Drunk me ordered us $75 worth of gummy airhead starburst type candies. Whatever it is, it'll be delicious.
if anyone asks you the platypus in my bathtub is a gift...thats all anyone needs to know
I mean we all knew i was gonna get arrested eventually but shoplifting is lame so dont tell anyone. Well just let them assume public nudity or something
I'm going to get him a gold star sticker and put it on his dick
Randomize
