Do you know how when animals have surgery they put those cones around their heads so they can't lick their wounds so they can heal? I think someone should invent that for human emotions.
why isn't there a fb relationship option that says 'still banging my ex'
Just realized I'm marrying a man that's never gone down on me. What happened to my priorities?
Is it sad that I just used my electrical knowledge to not only fix but improve my vibrator?
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
Theres an amvulance here. It might be for me
If I am going to throw out this whole "born again virgin" thing...i'm not going to do it on someone who is less than 5 inches.
Also, your vagina needs a time out and let your brain have a chance to make decisions.
i think i broke my dog last night...fuck
where are you?
talk to ya later, gotta sled down these stairs real quick
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
If the world ends now I want you to know I was on my favorite toilet fighting the good fight.
This is how baked we were last night. Our drinking game: We stare at each other; first one to laugh drinks.
Omg my butt feels so much better. Those suppositories are magic. It feels like Jesus fingered me in my sleep.
he woke up this morning, drunk as fuck, butt ass naked, and he had left grandmas gun on the counter and doesn't know why.
Just bought plan b at 8am. Then the cashier asked if I wanted to donate to the children's miracle network. Fml
sex on a bike is impossible
challenge accepted
Randomize