is it appropriate to call someone “ a tasty piece of bitch?” This is time sensitive.
No, drunk sperm still make babies.
He said finals are more important than getting stoned on 4/20. I'm proud in a disappointing kinda way
Apparently I fed my Plan B to my turtle last night.
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
Showerbowl immediately followed by pullups naked. I feel like fucking Tarzan
I'm going to join a nudist colony to win $1000. There are no down-sides to this.
My last google search of the night was "Things that cost $102.50"
Hes drunk and dancing naked. I can hear his dick smacking his legs from the next room.
Oh. My. God. Dad smoked a bowl. He's been playing cards...I just told a story and when I was done, he got really close to my face and very seriously asked me if he had cheese in his beard. I'm about to die.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
No, supporting your unemployed boyfriend IS NOT what credit cards are for.
Why is there no Netflix category for "I just wanna cry, but I don't have time for a whole romcom"?
I feel like I should remember what we did after leaving the party because apparently a llama was involved, but all I can manage is the part where I asked you to cuff my ankle to the bed so I wouldn't backflip away.
I know you just got bad medical news... But want some moonshine?
IT'S PERFEFT
... what?
HIS DICK. IT'S PERFECT. BYE.
I’m done with him. I’m going to the beach to catch a fresh dick
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