My farts smell like St. Pauli Girl. Last night was too much for a Monday.
Don't leave without me in the morning. I keep scaring everyone cause I'm sleeping in the bathtub.
it was really awkward..i thought he had two dicks, but later realized it was jsut his roommate
Grandma just handed out bail money... it's officially christmas
You know the party was great when the birthday girl gets arrested
Cocaine Wednesdays have to stop turning into no work Thursday
I'm not considering your visit a success until we've fucked every cock in the ethnic rainbow...between the four of us we should have it done by x-mas
My goal for break? Fuck all my exes in reverse order.
I don't know what's more sad. The fact that I'm genuinely impressed about being sober for a whole 3 days or the fact that I want to get wasted in celebration.
I also turned off the Anchorman DVD start menu before cause I didn't want Will Ferrel watching me lose my virginity.
He put chocks of wood in front of his doors to stop me from leaving. I'm not nearly drunk enough for that to be appropriate behaviour.
words I never want to hear dad say again: "Trevor you sexy man you"
That's true because who the fuck doesn't love Harry Potter and beer
Btw that $18 I gave you to run around outside naked came out of your wallet.
Just because you haven’t had your UTI yet doesn’t mean you have a right to talk like Yoda
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