dude i woke up to 20 missed calls from you, 3 from a blocked number and had 13 voicemails that all said "send me a picture of your tits."
so im guessing thats a no.....
I just looked at my iPhone gps history... "the gas station", "the park with a big scary fence", "the trampoline", and, my favorite, "where we were when we were about to do lines off a bible".
We're upstairs smoking....the password is pineapple
I assume you will show your seat mates your vibrating cock ring.
Hey got that picture this morning. 1. clean your room 2.what happened to your nail? and 3. your penis is amazing,.
Please don't be alarmed by the blood on my arms and phone in the morning. It's not mine.
I really hope jumping jacks prevent pregancy because I'm kind of banking on it right now, do you know why there's a unicycle in the corner of my room?
She face-timed me on the toilet. My dick is never going to recover from that.
Btw: some husbands are not impressed by me trying to snap photos of their wives camel toe.
there's an entire drinking game devoted to nobody liking her face
Well, it's a fine line between people-watching and boob-staring. It's a gray area. But we're in Paris. Let's leave it at that.
Literally sitting on my bed in the dark trying not to throw up
she has that "i will punish you like your mom did" vibe, i think guys like that.
I CALLED IT A FRIENDSHIP. NOT A I WANT YOUR MAN PARTS IN MY LADY PARTS-SHIP.
Lady at the airport across from me just pulled a cat out of her bag. can't deal with this right now..
Randomize
