I guess there's a 50 percent chance that it was her that wet my bed.
Hey kate, how is it?
sloppy...it's emily. kate just tried to do a keg stand. they dropped her. we're leaving.
I drank mimosas and played bocce ball in the middle of finals week...now i know how Comm majors feel all the time.
You going to have to be more specific than the night we blew an 8ball off the toilet..
Some guy just yelled at me from his car "CLIIIIIIIIIITT"... I feel like this has something to do with last night....
we were walking and you spelled the word "oats" to prove you weren't drunk.
We left your bucket of puke on your doorstep to clean out yourself. You're welcome.
I just had a brazillian performed by a hungarian named olga. Im pretty sure she was trying to rip out my soul. You owe me a million orgasms
I feel like our low point of the night was when we had to start chasing with ice cubes and wheat thins.
I'm pretty sure I did the Macarena with a gay guy while shot gunning a beer
The bond between me and cheese is something no man can understand.
Just spent the morning washing Bailey's and Guiness out of my clothes -_-
Pretty sure by 1p, she had fucked all of my bodily fluids out of me. I'm now trying to replace them with bourbon so 2016 is turning out pretty good.
I probably should have told her I was actually the drunkest one there before she let me pierce her ear
Pandemic Silver Lining: cheap hotel rates makes it easier to have afternoon fun with my side dick
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