Omg I just drooled on the screen of my phone from smiling with my mouth open while textin bahahahaahah
I think my penis got bigger when i lost weight
I'm tempted to see how fat I can get before he leaves me. It's obvious we're playing a game of chicken here.
It's not every day you get to see a girl fuck herself with a pickle.
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its hard to take this fight seriously when one dude is an oompa loompa, and the other is a "g spot"
She told me to wait on the sofa while she freshened up. She's been in the bathroom for an hour. I have a bad feeling about this.
We left around 4am, just after you laid down on your front lawn to take a piss. After 15 mins I said "dude are you still peeing?" you replied "Nope, just laying here with my dick out."
it's like if youve been living with the grinch for 15 yrs and then santa shows up with a big gift begging to fuck the christmas spirit back into you. no one can say no to santa.
Bone him for me, BONE HIM TWICE FOR ME.
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I didn't have the heart to tell him that the reason my vagina was so "prelubricated" was because I had just had another gentleman caller an hour earlier. So, when he commented about how turned on I appeared, I just went with it.
...and as she's going down on me I look at the speedo and I'm doing 15 under, with 6 cars tailgating me, and I know her parents saw her head pop up because they were the car right behind us.
Why can't you just come over, fuck me, then leave so i can get stoned and watch law and order?
Fuck you i've put so many pretzels in her shirt
so how was it...?
sadly not as impressive as one might expect from a division one athlete. he lacked the stamina i had hoped for, and by lacked i do mean he fell asleep while he was still inside me. an epic wtf moment, i know.
good morning. i just did a walk of shame in front of his grandmother.
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