He just told me his cousin just died and I look like her. Reconsidering the sex.
i just thanked the atm machine for giving me cash
I realized as I was wesiging my engamemby ring that you'd never love me tha same. I have life plans and Sam showed them to me
What? You're not speaking real words.
Maybe i should go to church more so i can meet girls like in that song, you know, the ones that act slutty on every day but sunday...
ah, so the catholic church. i gotcha
Hey when you come over to pick me up in the mornin bring a camera. This is going to be legendary. Don't knock.... They might cover up
suntimes in life you find a rare opportunity, mine was bonin my gf in front of the tv
Just made everyone at my party download the vuvuzela app for iPhone, the neighbors absolutely HATE us
yeah that's what i said...you fucked him and peed on his comforter
yeah well...Like any great yacht, I leave a wake
Decided in my tanked state last night purchase 2 weeks worth of xanax, so I can guess my way thru this week and finals. Soberly, I decided it would be a great way to test my knowledge of finance.
That's totally the Emoji for "just ran into some girl who knows I know she had an abortion"
I changed my birth control schedule so that I'm on my period while you're gone this week
I don't deserve you.
Rumor has it that you want to bring me soup in exchange for a blow job.
Fun FACT Saturday: Semen is great for my acid reflux
My mum just told me to stop being so pathetic and just find someone to have sex with, even if I don't like them, just be grateful for the sex. Wow.
I’m going down on him like an Oompah Loompah on roller skates.
That makes no sense, but good luck
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