I can't believe the cop was so cool about the whole thing, I mean, I had man mayo all over my jeans.
I just saw the girl you left with - Chris Hansen's looking for you
he showed up at my house with a hand-stiched sweater that said "girlfriend?"
Fell asleep in bio again. Sometimes i feel like college is just one really expensive nap.
stopped you just in time from sledding down the roof.
she got into med school, i feel dumb for banging her dance major friend
Evidently I told a girl she should leave the bar because no one wanted to fuck her.
it was good sex until i became a rubber doll and he became a jack hammer, so i guess overall it was good
Whore are you.
Is that a Yoda insult or are you asking me where I am?
Yes.
she said she doesn't remember seeing me at all last night. ...I was with her for six hours, there's no way she could have been blackout the whole time
beggars cant be choosers....im desperate and he has a dick. he checks all the boxes.
I can't wait to see you & have espresso-fueled sex
It's National Whipped Cream Day, prep those nips
so do you remember taking your shirt off and just standing in your bra at the bar or no?
He's a wizard, there is no other explanation for how hard I came last night. None.
Randomize
