im at a bar with my dad last night and he got hit on more that I did
This fat girl in front of me just got on the bus to go 2 blocks. Do you think she ever wonders why shes fat?
In case you were wondering, you weren't dreaming. I really did get stuck between my bed and the wall last night.
Any questions about why there was a scuba tank chilling in the hot tub this morning?
That's why there are breakfast margaritas.
I can't wait till you move in so I can stop drinking alone.
it's a Wednesday?
:)
We saluted the chips to the national anthem before cooking them. The house has to get a munchies fryer
Blood and glitter go together right?
Oh god our sink is a cavalcade of horrors. Brb sacrificing a goat and putting everything in the dishwasher forever
My neck kind of hurts. I think from sleeping on the concrete.
Just saw a couple chasing each other on lawn mowers. Oh South Knoxville.
I stopped his blowjob to raise 3 fingers & whistle the hunger games tune to the people walking past the window
And as drunk as I was I was able to show my mom how to make text italicized in Microsoft word
it's not rock bottom until you fall down an escalator on the way home from a hookup and have to have you dad come pick your drunkass up at 3am. Adulthood.
Someone sitting next to me at this football game is totally eating chicken nuggets out of his pocket and drinking four loko. I wanna be him.
Randomize
