Thats not how I planned it, its just the way she passed out
what are you wearing?
Just my guilt
last night I thought his shirt said yale... but this morning it definitely says old navy.
giving a blow job on a jetski isn't as easy as it sounds.
his status popped up and said 'probably going to jail.' it took everything i had not to press the like button
Its mothers day and I have choke marks around my neck. Thanks for that.
woke up with a sweatshirt on that said "someone special calls me grandma" and a sword. i'm just going to assume that it was a good night
I feel like I should limit myself to one meal prepared from a box per day
Just realized I have to keep sleeping with him... those scars from drunk sex on the 4th of July are still on my back and lord knows I'm not about to explain that to another guy.
It's like your tits told gravity 'fuck you, I'm fine right here!'
You can't just snapchat me a picture of a pregnancy test and then not answer your phone
Weddings might be fun but they are not getting fucked in the wilderness fun.
I woke up on the couch screaming in pain. I don't know how ended up there or why my foot was double the size. all I know is I'm now in a cast and never drinking tequila again. worst hangover ever.
The best part of last night is not remembering half of it
Well, I ruined his toilet and he's still completely okay with me. Plus, it took him like a week to tell me.
If a girl I didn't love ruined my toilet I don't think I'd stick around.
Randomize
