i think i want to fuck a midget just to see how difficult it would be
btw, her name was actually Alixx. in retrospect, it was pretty much a gimme
They let you pick the name that they announce for you at graduation. The professional world needs to prepare itself for papa smurf mcdonald.
I have your shoes, your bike, and someones blue underwear. Round 2 tonight?
When I come over I'm bringing "Socky" the Alcoholism Prevention puppet, today he is going to tell you boys about his FAVORITE word---its called "moderation"
It's gonna be one of those someone is getting divorced parties
Number of twigs I found in my hair: 5
I just found out that I slept with Kate Gosselin's publicist back in June . Brb I have to wash myself endlessly.
It really does creep me out though that the next ten years will involve my friends creating smaller versions of themselves because to be honest I don't know how much I like some of them. So that thought it really scary
I fucking hate tequila. Tequila makes me hate pants.
I feel like my body was put in a dryer with rocks set on permanent press.
Did you take the bag w/your drugs & cookie cutter?
I'm so sexually frustrated I feel like I'm going to kill my turtle
I'm six Popsicles away from an existential breakdown.
They found me wandering around campus screaming body shots over and over again wrapped in a curtain
Randomize
