You were pretty fucked up... decided playing hopscotch down the stairs was an excellent idea.. it was extremely entertaining
We walked in and they were fucking to Somewhere Over the Rainbow... I need a new roommate.
DONT TAKE THE KEG OUT OF THE HOT TUB I NEED A PICTURE OF ME DOING A KEG STAND ON IT
two fat guys on crotch rockets just invited me to 'party' with them at a del taco. why does this keep happening to me?
This is the 4th time we've hooked up, and this morning we woke up, he got out of bed and left. Left me alone in his apartment with 3 of his friends. Without even a word. Why do i like this guy?
No it's cool, He's been doing my English papers in exchange for lap dances since the eleventh grade. We're very professional.
just found a someones bra in what seems to be a mix of pickle juice and vodka in my fridge. Who was over here lately?
The guy who just got ate on True Blood had the same balls as you.
You told me that they girl who was giving you a handjob under the table looked a little like your sister
Also, I have your check. Also, still wanna drop acid?
Don't blame me. My vagina leads me astray.
So....I just took a paddle fan on high speed to the side of the head while getting head...still finished the job, good thing I'm drunk and couldn't feel it.
I apparently got up in the middle of the night after fucking him and started looking for you under piles of his clothing
His baby mama found the pictures of us, she couldn't see my face but she could see my asshole. So I'm safe.
I WOULD NEVER MIX DICK AND MCDONALDS
Randomize
