That's what you get for not wearing a bra and jumping on a trampoline
He said he only talked to me because I talk dirty in bed.
omg i forgot michael madsen was in free willy this is the most epic movement of my stoned life
So i just found out i replied to my room mates craigslist ad. Akward
Fighting the police is like screwing a fat girl, if I'm drunk enough I'll do it
mom and dad are leaving for florida on 4/20, this is a sign
#1 RULE OF DRINKING: DELETE YOUR EX'S NUMBER FROM YOUR PHONE
It's ok that you're screwing someone else while trying to get back with me, I'm banging three girls while I ignore you.
I'm at work, and just realized I the beer smell I keep getting random whiffs of is my bra. I fail at life.
It's a sit down to pee kind of hangover
You lit a fire in my vagina no man can extinguish.
I did cocaine with my cab driver all night. It was the best date.
I am at 99 matches in less than 24 hours, I need a tinder rehab program
Well I'm nervous now about the consequences of letting you loose
It's a big decision, I respect that you need to think about it.
I'm "drunk text both siblings" drunk.
Randomize
