Alex texted me. Bootycall boy #2. its like an alarm goes off once i'm single that the line is open again
you need to know that there is a kid here wearing an i mosh for Jesus shirt
i feel like im playing gay clue. i have to figure out where i am, who took me home, and what he put in me
let me put this in terms we both understand. he was the crunchwrap supreme of men--the perfect combo of all things manly, gooey and delicious. and ready for instant enjoyment.
was just hit on by a homeless lesbian. forever alone.
The good news is the bleeding stopped. I think I'm going to sober up before I tell you the bad news though.
I'm hiding out in the living room until he falls back asleep. If he catches a whiff of my tits, it's all over. I just need to play it cool. Babies can smell fear
Apparently she saw two women get in a slapping match over a comforter at target yesterday. She said it was awesome. Clearly I take after her.
I've smoked enough weed to put down a pony.
There are eight sets of guys I've made out with who have the same name. It's like noah's ark in my mouth.
I just saw a fat girl roll down the steps taking out three people with her, thought you should know.....
Cocaine can totally be concealed as MAC finishing powder. Drug dealer creds just went up 120 percent
I feel like my cat and I are playing mind games. I need more friends.
My vagina has made plenty life decisions and I would like to point out very few if not any of them were in my favor.
There's lube and condom packets all over the street we missed something awesome.
Randomize
