We were having sex on the balcony and this guy walked by, so drunkily i said "dont move, he cant see us if we dont move."
just found out this city drinks more beer during oktoberfest than rhode island does in a year.. i'm never leaving
It feels like I've shaved away my winter coat and my vagina is going to freeze if I go outside.
What is a reasonable amount of condoms to keep in my condom wallet without it being creepy that I have too many?
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
Welp. I just hopped out of his window to avoid meeting his parents... happy monday!
You came in as I got off work, ordered us jack and cokes. Put them on my tab, and then proceeded to fall asleep on the bar.
we spent fifteen minutes trying to convince you that you weren't locked inside of your car
you might as well be a hobo. you were covered in pee last night hanging out on the stairs drunk.
right. well we all have our lows.
I threw up in the shower, slipped, and fell in it. Should I try and continue my day or just get back in bed?
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
So never has there been a greater Valentine's Day gift than you actually putting a new roll of toilet paper on for me after using the old roll up! You didn't even use the new roll. You clearly put that on from a gentleman's standpoint vs. a selfish standpoint. I love you!!!!
I had 2 bags of iv saline fuilds for brunch and the buffet at the strip club for dinner. happy easter.
Also, I would just like to reiterate my apologies for tearing up in the grocery store.
I just sent you a multitude of sexual pictures...and you responded with a Charles Dickens Quote.
And I'm laying here struggling with the notion that I need to put pants on.
After this weekend my vagina will follow his penis anywhere. It’s like the pied piper, but with penis
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