We walked into the bar in The Flying V formation from The Mighty Ducks. We were ready.
They need to add a relationship status option on fb that says "having the baby of..."
So last week was the 4th time a girl cried after sex. I'm seriously doing something wrong
Hung over. Bed full of legos for some reason. Not getting up. Come build stuff with me.
Dude your not gonna get by security covered in blood wearing only a robe
Don't worry I'm drunk they won't say anything
Oh my Christ. I just came so hard my penis stood back up and took a bow afterwards. I need Thai food.
My favorite bartender added me on Facebook. Now he can clearly see how under 21 I am
Turns out the average person our age has never run from the cops. Life: we're doing it right.
I'd rather have snapchat than feelings.
WHEN JENDA BENDA THE DRAG QUEEN TELLS YOU TO RUN, YOU RUN, BITCH!!!
So we hooked up and then instead of texting me, he endorsed me on LinkedIn for Microsoft Word a few days later
Were you seriously humming twinkle twinkle little star while cupping my balls?
With great boredom comes great irresponsibility.
Please tell me you're not on their roof again..
IS NO AN EMOTION BECAUSE THAT'S WHAT I'M FEELING RIGHT NOW
Who put my cat in the fridge?
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