its good for cellulite if you don't wear underwear. its true
nothing makes up for a small, perpetually flaccid penis quite like a British accent
I just recorded courtney puking and set it as my ringtone.
We're listening to the crystal method and doing bong hits for jesus
How are you texting me from 1998?
not good my parents heard a big thud and found me passed out in the bathrrom abt an hr ago. hit my head arm and side. dont remember. real talk.
No, this is a senior booty call. It cannot be ignored.
I have got to stop letting people hang ornaments from my nipple ring.
Tis the season.
Lets both be adults and never talk about last night again.
Haha ohman remember when I peed in your blender? Gotta love college.
YOU DID WHAT???
In that state of mind I managed to bounce back from getting hit by a golf cart and convince an investigations officer that I was okay to go into the game.
I was picked up from his hotel room at 5 a.m. and came home with my panties and jäger in a McDonald's bag so the desk attendant wouldn't judge me. This is what single at 25 is about.
sooo the guy I beat last night in strip pong is the manager's husband at my new job...
Just peed off a cliff while playing white snake on my phone. Close enough?
YOUUUU FUCKING FURRYYYY
I DIDN'T COME HERE TO BE SLANDERED LIKE THIS
Just letting you know that while you peed your pants in that guys jeep, The orgasm I had made my hair fall out... Good morning.
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