if i'm ever as drunk as the girl in front of me... kill me.
and before you know it i was laying next to him at 2 in the morning with penis and sadness on my breath.
then she said "on the count of three I think we should apologize to eachother"
I told him I'd rather have sex with his father last night. I'll admit now that I was drunk.
currently shading my boobs to make it look like i have mass cleavage...thanks art school
you strike me as the kind of person who when they spill something on their lap they take off their pants and eat it anyways. right off the crotch seam.
You are a lesbian wizard with red hair. You are willow
I made out with drunk Joe Dirt and then put his mullet wig on for him. True Halloween romance.
I asked him to help me break in the space ship aka my bed.
We probably are going to die. So. Thanks for agreeing to be my Maid of Honor even though I torture you.
i told someone my fallback plan was to be a slutty bartender and i needed the practice as i straddled them to pour a shot
Got home. Somebody tried to sell me weed on the street. I've never had to try so little to find a dealer before.
This whole brainwashing thing is easy!
It's official, I'm not staying in tonight
What caused that decision?
You only live once
Thank you for stopping me from getting a butt tattoo. That was a good call.
Randomize
