hi i'm bored and kind of... in a sort of dirty mood
pics
no i'm at a mixer dressed up as the teenage mutant ninja turtles
I just broke up with my girlfriend lets go find strippers that need rent money.
I hurt. I blacked out in a onesie. Reevaluation needs to happen.
I was freaked out. No man over 50 is allowed to touch me. Ever. Unless you're Michael Bolton. Then please do.
she made sit in a corner, drink nothing but water and told me she was worried about me because i picked up an irish guy at a taxi rank. says the girl who invented tequila night and fucked a guy in a park across the street from a sweet sixteenth.
Sex and sushi don't even sound good right now... I might be on my death bed. To my Liz, I leave my extensive movie collection and my drinking supplies. To Olive I leave my car. Cause every Scottish terrier needs a 2010 Camaro.
I remember caressing his hands asking him if he moisturized, then i proceeded to put his hands on my face
There was nowhere else for me to go. I'm like the island of misfit toys but I'm hot.
Dude, fate has brought her to your penis.
I need someone to sew my vagina shut until I'm responsible enough to use it
How was jagerbomb pong?
It was like communism. Great in theory. Terrible when put into practice
Can I just buy you sex toys as a wedding gift? Bc I’m here for that and you
We have been dating for 5 months. I'm friends with his sister. Yet my number in his phone is still saved as "hot bartender"
Started dabbing in blow again because he always hated that I did it. Yuh I’m doing drugs but at least I’m doing me?
if being 21 means slamming 99 cent margaritas at 3:00 in the afternoon on a Tuesday then call me Peter Pan IM NEVER GROWING UP
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