Hey, It's Lauren. i wanted to talk to you tonight. I like you, as you know because kyle told you. I was wondering if you liked me too?
Are you in the third fucking grade? Check yes or no.
Just puked in a mcdonalds cup while driving. Didn't even swerve.
I came home to the cats covered in paint and he was asleep in the tub with a firefighters hat on.
Does she usually listen to trance and cut up broccoli when she's high?
I'm lonelier than Tom Hanks in Cast Away, right meow. Ready to make this bong my Wilson.
I dont care how drunk you were. Making a bet with MY husband at MY wedding that you could seal the deal before he could is ALWAYS inappropriate!
I was taking a bath while he walked in, sat down on the toilet, and said "its like a baby, I can see it crowning."
2 girls slept in my bed with me. 3 more girls slept on a mattress on my floor. The furthest I got was cuddling. Here's my man card.
I left when you were using your mug to lay on the street and ask for spare change
This is my second month of college and all I've learned is how to get a guy to go down on me without asking out loud and not to chase everclear with Smirnoff ice.
Essential life skills
So I slept with some guy last night and when I woke up in the am couldnt remember his name. I text him n asked "How do you spell your name?" to try n find out and all he replied was "With an A." WTF!?
I should probably just LinkedIn request everyone I've ever slept with so they stop popping up on my suggested connections list
Seeing her tonight. She doesn't want dinner, just wants me to come over for awhile. My penis just sent me a thank you card.
I've just realized that today's rations have consisted of turkey bacon and jack Daniels.
I promised to leave my panties on but I didn't promise to not have sex
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