on a scale of one to ten, how awkward would it i told him i had to go change my tampon and then left?
11
how could I be having a bad time, I have the three most important things in life: Goat cheese, Xanax, and Saved By the Bell Re-runs.
I'm heating up a hotdog using a candle.
All I heard was "I swear it'll be funny" and then we were in jail.
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Do you think if you have sex with a girl twin, her twin brother feels it to? Woke up at her house and they both have a look of disappointment on their faces.
I'm lowering my standards just so I can get laid, but I draw the line when a guy spells cool kewl
The maintenance guy says happy birthday. Also, he likes your penis balloon.
So I come back home and a huge flock of enormous vultures are on my roof
They're waiting for you to die
I just want my paycheck, and my friends. And alcohol and tacos. Is that so much to ask?
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I think the cashier could tell I was sad. All I bought was penis shaped food and chocolate
I just masterbated to the home shopping channel...what have I become...
I swear to god he thought my ass was a bag of wine last night.
I added our drug dealer to the quickbooks software babe, he is listed under vendor's as an expense category... money management is such a bitch...
Its safe now. But... Nobody should sleep on my bed tonight.
I'm about to go get lunchables and alcohol. Take that adulthood
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