Do you think they'll have a special part during the BET awards for Michael Jackson even though he turned white?
Not only do prius' look terrible they are terrible to have sex in
I just found 51 cents in my bed. Did you leave me a tip?
Theres just something about looking at pictures of your dick in church that doesn't feel right
He's the equivalent of a body pillow and a dildo. But still funny. We have good pillow talk.
I can't even go pee because I'm making sure he doesn't run off somewhere naked.
I wasnt going to have sex with him until i ran into his gf at chipotle. It was like the gods were saying "Go ahead. Shes already had her burrito for the day"
He wasn't lying when he said he was immune to pepperspray. He pretended it burned for like 12 seconds and told the cops he was kidding he was alright. We'll be there soon.
If you see my mugshot on the news tomorrow, its not what you think
I just used a thesaurus to write a sext...
The teenager outdrank all of us. All. Of. Us. I woke up and she was getting everyone water and fruit snacks. I give up.
She's cool and all but if she eats my food again I'm gonna fucking drop kick her ass. No one touches my lunchables. NO ONE.
A blind guy just told me that even he could see i was gay and encouraged me to chat up the girl behind that counter bc he thinks we'd make a cute couple. Are all Canadians this helpful?!
There's a guy masturbating in front of Sephora right now
I'm literally trying to cool beer down right now in my car by putting it on my floor and blasting cold air on it
Randomize
