I'm drunk in f*****g wisconsin and want to kill myself.
If it's any consolation, be grateful that you're not in New Jersey.
Could you imagine if a Skynet machine combination of Bob Ross and Chuck Norris were built? It would rule the universe with a soft spoken fan brush of kung fu dominance
It would be truly incredible. I hope we are blessed with this being in our lifetime.
NEVER shave your cleavage hair.
Jerking off has been your answer to everything tonight.
You "were" hungover, which is past tense. So that gives you no excuse not to go out tonight.
I've just never had a dinner guest strut in, go directly to my bathroom, vomit.. then come out demanding whiskey and food.
Just saw you in traffic. You may have noticed me, I was the corpse driving the white car.
I am gifting my birthday sex to you, but its okay because I can always just have birthday vibrator.
I just realized that in 3 weeks it becomes sad if I make everything into a drinking game. Fuck growing up
Guess who's the proud owner of her very own foxtail butt plug!!
you just have the mind of an innocent, non-tainted child.
YOU KNOW THAT'S BULLSHIT BECAUSE YOU'RE THE REASON IT'S BULLSHIT
She wanted a dick pic so I sent her brett Favres dick pic then she asked why I have pictures of old men's beautiful dicks
Bro you were on fire last night...like a less Irish version of Liam Neeson
Oh god I just had an orgasim riding my bike. I need to get laid pronto.
I honestly think sometimes all you need is a $2 alcoholic punch poured from a jug into a big glass to feel better. I guess abblebees is my new problematic fav
Randomize
