do you think they make "congratulations unfit mother" greeting cards?
or abortion recommendation cards.
smell my finger.
We have sex, then he cooks. It's like a fantasy.
ive decided something. ive accepted you as being gay. but i havent accepted you as a vegetarian yet.
The druken crowd just broke into singing "God Bless America" while waiting the newlyweds to get in the limo. My friend is eating rose petals.
I think my uterus is still laying in your bed somewhere under the covers.
After she cried and passed out at four in the morning, I had a very lovely, very drunken conversation with her mother while decorating a cake into the shape of a penis.
Thanks for bailing me out last night guys. it's bullshit that everbeering people at bars is illegal. bitches have no sense of adventure anymore
Slow dancing with the chandelier.
I hope you get your threesome on vday. I'll probably get flowers and a candlelit dinner. trade you. I wish this guy was more of a slut and had less of a heart. I would like 2 dicks please fuck your flowers!
You should not have followed "the guy who peed in my bed" with "he smells good."
Also, I just opened Google to find the lyrics to California Gurls. Karaoke night did us dirty.
I TOOK A FINGER IN THE BUTT YOU CAN OPEN THIS MESSAGE
Uhh I just had to break up with a guy who I didn't even know I was dating...
Panties = found
Randomize
