break up sex still means we will always be broken up.
I just fell off my chair and knocked over the table. People are staring. That hungover.
There I was staring at a teeny weeny black one and a huge white one. It was like an episode of Myth Busters
Thank GOD those kids were having a lemonade stand, I didn't have anything to wash down my plan b with.
I bet it kind of sucks while you do community service I'm getting blown in the shower. haha
When your boyfriends ex-girlfriend texts you to see what you're wearing to his sister's wedding that you were not invited to, nor knew about. I think it's time to call it quits.
Trevor is horny so he just called me to tell me all the things that he would like to do with his future wife. That's a new one.
you started petting my head and said "there there, majestical unicorn. it won't be long before we get you back to neverland."
my drivers license is super glued to my shoulder and im to hung over to get it off come and help me
She's chasing her own tail and is afraid of her own feet. My stoner cat, ladies and gentlemen.
We were gonna go out drinking tonight but she found out she's pregnant so are you free
Cocaine bath bombs are a really bad idea
Having to do the walk of shame on crutches was defiently a first for me. cheers to the governor, klove
Yah. Then he started clapping my boobs together in his hands and started shouting "the seas are angry!"
If he isn’t into CosPlay he will be after tonight. That naughty nurse outfit heals broken hearts
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