Michael Bay diarrhea
Fuck buddy has no power. Invited her over to use my shower. I love hurricaines.
Man, just talk to her friend and help me out. Otherwise we go home alone
I'd rather jerk off with a hand full of bumble bees then talk to her
Oh my fucking god I saw the pictures. What the mother fucking fuck. Destroy the pictures. Destroy the fucking pictures.
Please confirm the destruction of the pictures. NOW.
He filled four shots of Everclear and walked around saying "FREE VODKA SHOTS". he is to blame.
Don't send the creepy guy a picture of your penis. That's my Christmas wish
No work today. I woke up and someone had written "Markhot Penis = Party" on my forehead in sharpie. Do you know a Mark?
We don't watch enough power rangers
This is gonna be a long day for my vagina and I
It's time to run my sex life like a basketball team. Got the lesson Clint!
What's protocol when the 18 year old son of an anti-gay preacher sends you a message on Grindr during church?
Question #1: Why am I on my living room floor? Question #2: Where did the bloody footprints come from? Question #3: Why are there two McChickens next to the wine bottle?
Did you leave ur panties in the sink?
Kitchen or bathroom?
We're the worst. Two people without their shit together do not make a functional adult.
Just had a reminder come up that just said "Ham"
Randomize
