so i slept on a park bench last night...no hobo
My mom just drunkenly told me i was conceived in the back of a car, at a Bon Jovi concert.
THAT'LL be a good time.
and i don't know why my phone always capitalizes that word.
Just got head while drinking hot cocoa and eating cookies. Never in my life have I felt more like santa claus
He's having a heart to heart coversation with the keg about what he should do with his life.
At what point were we discussing suction-cupping a dildo to the wall?
He talked me into making a sex video, no worries though, I was wearing sunglasses.
It's just good to know that when I drink like a twenty year old I still act like one.
Also. This Ativan makes me feel fearless. I think we need an exciting new hobby for when we take it. How do you feel about ghost hunting?
i swear i just dislocated a hip staying still
It's gotten to a point that when guys say "I'm gonna cum" I've developed a habit of responding "dooo itttt" in a deep voice. #isthatweird
He did 5 five hand stand push ups and took off his shirt for a barbarian flex. Some girl took off her shirt and threw it at him
The magnum condom fits. I feel like a manly version of cinderella
You know its awkward when your mom walks in on you and your boyfriend yelling surprise....I was scared into an orgasm
They say you need two forms of ID, but in reality 1 nice set of tits works every time
Randomize
