I decided to name my penis gatorade...is it in you?
Ok. Also I almost just threw up. Seriously. I was think to myself "really? Here? Now? At my work desk?" and then it went away.
just heard a glass bottle fall in lecture and my first thought was to yell party foul.....is it friday yet?
It's such a good feeling to send those "I'm not in jail" texts on Sunday morning
I'm not judging you... I'm judging our friendship
I threw up in the shower, slipped, and fell in it. Should I try and continue my day or just get back in bed?
My ex wife just asked to go over our divorce papers and for sex in the same text
Yea, she's 42 I'm 23. Girls our age are terrible. All they need is a divorce and a bottle of wine
I gave them the 'I used to fuck your son' discount.
"you can only have my number if you answer all the questions on this trivial pursuit card correctly"
we're spending all day in bed drinking spiked eggnog and fucking
The dude we met that gave us weed sent me a video of his balls covering the sun like a solar eclipse
Ur creepiness is now affecting my life and I'm not okay with it
wheres my face? and why is my pocket so big?
Justin has passed out on the toilet in a locked stall. Stay tuned for pics.
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