My eyes are so dilated i literally have night vision right now.
so im goin to clemson & my drug dealers goin to penn state. this is the hardest breakup EVER.
Sometimes I think that I have too much self esteem
Then I realize that I'm just really fucking pretty.
I kept pulling the $1 bills off the stage and told everyone "no no no she has to work for this money"
I found a big gulp cup full of vomit in my freezer, are you behind this?
After much deliberation I've decided to name my penis "Arthur", hope your mom's surgery goes well.
just 'accidentally' changed my relationship status to 'in an open relationship' just to see what offers I might get if I were to dump him. it's not looking good
I BIT YOU IN THE DINING ROOM. I bit you and you crunched
It's a lost cause. Soon she's gonna get naked, just let nature run its course
Before he comes over remember the house standards. Ask yourself "will he stalk my sister or myself in the future?". If the answer is yes, then no, he isn't allowed.
he's singing something in russian and knocking over my plants with his dick, get his drunk ass out of my apartment
HE STUCK IT IN THE FISHBOWL WTF
I accidentally flashed three cops last night. Stone cold sober.
The fake number she gave me was for Pappa John's. Now I have a large pepperoni on the way.
If Boring and Monotone had a love child, it would be this guy.
But really, someone with a penis give me attention before I start posting nudes on Instagram.
Randomize
