I thought he was gonna sex me but then he ran to my bathroom and jerked off
You know, I really only think drinking is a problem if you're not good at it.
You tried to convince her that if she gave you head she'd hear the ocean.....
Good ideas don't start with we have a bottle of vodka..
We had to introduce ourselves in ethics class. This guy stood up said I'm mark, I love sluts and Jack. Then just sat back down. Hero status.
i left with the words "thank you for undersanding my sluttiness"
He only had napkins in the bathroom... no toilet paper. If I fuck him, am I settling?
You would ignore him even if it wasn't NoManUary. It could be the Winter of a Thousand Dicks and you wouldn't talk to that guy.
The Winter of A Thousand Dicks sounds terrifying!!!
I don't have to hold her hair back as she blows me but I do have to hold the ball on the Santa hat
I'm gonna buy my dress an hour before wedding. You know, just to make sure it's gonna really happen.
T'would be a shame to waste that open bar though. They shouldn't do that to us. We've been having to pretend we're happy for two people who got engaged a week after they met.
It was at the same house, but a different party, when lesbians set me on fire. So there's that.
he'll always be the guy that i fucked on the bathroom floor
I chased him for half a mile, lost him then somehow ended up at his house. Is that still considered stalking? I WAS drunk.
Twist bend and done? Jesus that sounds like a seventh grade hand job.
I just called my grandma crying, apologizing for being the first grandchild to have premarital sex...I'm either about to start my period or pregnant.
Randomize
