He's been sleeping iwht ***
Nooo
Yeah I don't even know how, she looks like her mom smoked crack while she was in the womb
And then hit her in the face with a shovel
When i look at that picture of him, i'm a little proud to be like yeah, his dick was in my mouth saturday no big deal.
My bra broke.... so I Macguyvered that shit together with floss
YOU GOT KICKED OUT OF FIVE GUYS LAST NIGHT FOR THROWING PEANUTS AT THE PEOPLE WHO WORK THERE?!
correction: escorted out
btw im using a cooler as a purse cause i love string cheese
I wasn't hungover this morning. My head just hurt because someone tried to suction cup a dildo to my forehead.
This tent reeks of fear and sangria
I will fuck him senseless, no need for a priest.
I only have one eye to read your texts because I just stabbed one out after reading that last text.
I don't care who it's from we're getting blown. It's a 3 day weekend anything can happen
He went snooping and now he's all intimidated by my super amazing box of sexy time toys.
Please stop calling it that.
wow, being home for Xmas is freaking weird on tinder. I went to high school with everyone I'm matching... The fact that this many jocks like me now is a huge ego boost from my lack of glory days.
...and I'm done. I just matched two boys I used to babysit without realizing it.
Can we get pizza? This is seriously not a booty call. I just really want someone to get pizza with me.
i just wanted have a romantic star gaze moment with him. untill he let out a massive fart.
I feel like 20 angels jizzed in my mouth. This cupcake is DELICIOUS!
It's official we're now working from home permanently. I'm getting paid to have sex and sandwiches. I hit the lottery.
Randomize
