...She then said get into the spirit and started making firecracker noises while having sex
someone was throwing condoms at us.
no, they just magically show up around you.
Just had a memory of you pretending to be a begging dog putting your head on my lap while I fed you. Great night to try a new drug.
There's holes in the drywall and the beer pong table is a broken door on two barstools. You know they like to party.
Apparently she has a 10 week old kid, which would explain the hallway effect I was feeling.
PA to anyone at the party last night and wondering where your pants are: they are in my backyard.
Nothing says casual like stairwell bjs
Option 1: fuck me and bedtime. Option 2: come fuck me and then hangout with everyone. Option 3: don't fuck me in which case fuck you.
His dick is so big it could be an arm rest.
We work out, have really intense sex, and then eat cereal marketed for children. We have a system, okay?
Literally had a conversation with the pizza as to why it was a bad idea to reach in the back seat and grab a slice while driving. The pizza was right, it was safer to just wait until I got home.
When the dude you brought home from the bar on Thanksgiving leaves before you wake up ... #thankful
You're the air beneath my wings and the lookout when I pee
As a side note, can you ask the maintenance staff not to drag their balls on our stairwell handrails. Please.
Why did I wake up covered in glitter next to a half eaten cheeseburger?
Randomize
