I just got called an ass for saying no thanks to a Greenpeace solicitor. I don't want the whales to die but I do want Greenpeace to fail. Conundrum.
went out last night and woke up on the bathroom floor again, thinking about just moving my bed in there.
all the douches that like ed hardy are the same douches that were obsessed with lisa frank
She had a little wicker basket of condoms by her bed. Disturbing yet convenient.
Too bad my thesis topic isn't "defining a hot mess: a study in drinking, smoking and other bad life decisions."
hahaha lucky. I'm fishing with some dude I just met when I woke up next to the mohawk river
Just watched a guy puke off his bike. Beyond impressed. He didn't even swerve
Dude I live in a fucking closet and still get laid every weekend. Figure it out.
asked the cab driver where he learned Swahili last night.
Hypothetically speaking, what is the proper response if one gets bitten by a most likely not rabid squirrel? Hypothetically.
I just took a dump to end all dumps. Other dumps have already written ballads about it. It was the Armageddon dump. Bruce Willis was there, it was awful.
I puked on his mom. Not my proudest moment
i'm just really offended he didn't want to have breakup sex. like that was the only thing i was really looking forward to
Good dick will make you do a lot of things… Great dick will make you consider buying a house.
I'm not gonna lie. I need sex like plants need water right now. I just need the dick.
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