Having dinner with my dad, watching the news and some AIDS prevention ad comes on. My dad then kindly informs me that he doesn't enjoy the feel of condoms.
If she's not going to maintain the upkeep of her vag then I'm not going to pay the rent of being her boyfriend
i woke up this morning to a slap on the ass and jake saying "you should let me put it in your ass now" i need out of this relationship.
for sure. did you let him do it?
thats not the point.
Good to know: if a hot girls asks to go back to my place, she probably just needs to vomit all over my bathroom
He's trying to row the canoe up my front yard like he is Lewis and Clark.
I sang Jenna happy bday in the middle of throw up hurls
It never makes you rethink your life choices when you're breaking into my apartment at 3 am to take a piss in my kitchen sink?
How do I respond to this?! It's not easy to say "you're hot & the sex was good, but outside the bedroom you scare me"
After owing so much in back child support they should make vasectomy a mandatory
i was sitting in the back of a squad car completely stoned watching airplanes take off
I spent the last 6 months operating under the assumption that I HADNT fucked a paramedic. I was wrong.
I'm 2 seconds away from smashing the bottle and drinking it off the counter with a straw.
we were waffle house and a lady told me her imaginary friend was sitting in the chair next to her. i don't feel so trashy now.
He gave me a brownie at the beginning of class and now I can't feel my face.
sad thing: we were only a shot away from an orgy. good thing: we all got laid.
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