can I come stay the night
yeah, but no sex tonight
I'll stay home
I'm seriously gonna die surrounded by a million cats and an unbroken hymen
5 out of the 6 of them cut their hands while trying to shot gun the beer, I had never seen balls attached to such patheticness
i got us a cheese tray and a bottle of whiskey
ugh yes i love our date nights
We tried. It's impossible to cum while bouncing on a trampoline. It's like trying to sneeze while keeping your eyes open.
You'd think, but when you nail one sorority sister, you might as well have nailed them all.
I learn from experience and I experienced what it would be like to completely lose my mind and then wake up with a stab wound.
I swear she lies about being allergic to gluten so she'll get all the jack and not have to drink shitty beer like the rest of us
drinking vodka, listening 2 smh at 530am slow cooking beef stew. you'll enjoy the stew and worry abt me in the morning. bon apatite
For future reference.... When you take a beer out of a 6pack... You don't insert your phone as a substitute.
I made that picture of you my lock screen. So I've just been standing around at work licking my phone all day.
How many times have we said we'd stop taking Jell-O shots with strangers?
My legs feel like baby dolphins
How did you tell her we met?
I told her that we met at the sex shop down the street, I thought it would be the most reasonable explanation.
Verdict: uncircumcised.
Randomize
