I swear I have "I love assholes" written on my forehead with ink that only guys can see.
we just toasted to your mouth on alex's balls at the bar
She volunteers at a homeless shelter. You volunteered to drink 7 day expired milk for $3. No chance. Give up.
I am planning my day around naps and lesbians.
So, I was thinking... Since this restraining order doesn't go into affect until monday, that leaves us 5 days to wreck his world.
we went to the bar with our boss and you tried to play a song from the atm machine
I ate 12 cupcakes in less than 24 hours, so no judgement here.
Although I feel like awkward kinda describes your entire sexual history...
His and hers buttplugs were a resounding success. Tru luv
Just got cockblocked by my GF's wedding shower... That's a first. And I have to buy a gift.
Well. I mean as excuses for running late go, 'losing track of time in the bathhouse' has gotta be up there on the top ten.
Really I don't care what we're doing or watching. Your penis spends way too much time outside of my body.
There's lube on my homework. #priorities
all i remember is arguing with the chick that yahoo was better than google
all you were doing was yelling YAHOOOOO in her face
so i won
This is going to be so stupid, but do you feel the calluses on my hands when I give you a handy?
Randomize
