So we walked by this chick's house and she starts yelling at her boyfriend "STOP HITTING ME WITH YOUR DICK"
well yea, now i know i won't get hair in my teeth...
I tried to cut him off and he said "I was the president of a fraternity for 3 years, I could outdrink God."
Now he's lighting his socks on fire
you never texted me what you wanted from the store so I got a piece of chicken and bottle of tequila. if you want anything else you are on your own.
All I remember is this kid kept saying that he has a dream that white kids and black kids can take shots together as one, and just we'd keep drinking to that.
It was the best present I've gotten since I was 5 and I got a fucking easy bake oven. I'm not pregnant for realsies. Celebratory party at the house tonight. Invite all the nice dicks you know.
It hits you later. Like when you wake up on the floor under a puzzle later.
He said bow chicka bow wow. I never thought being sexually degraded would be such a turn on.
All three shower stalls were filled with couples fucking and then someone yelled "switch" and... We switched
I've never had someone so bad at kissing. It was like he was trying to block my airway with his tongue and he succeeded...
No ive been in the mountains getting high and baking cookies with a 4 year old
who gets drunk at chipotle by noon and then gets kicked out? this chick.
ya well i woke up to my roommate spraying me with windex...
Gov of Georgia is going to allow massage therapists to return to work.
Gives a new meaning to 'Happy Endings'.
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