so i just googled the prescription for aldara i saw on your desk this morning...
this girl literally referred to her butthole as her "back pussy"
some bitch filled my sink with salsa.
And there might be a gallon of sangria without the lid on the floor in your room. Just be careful when you open the door.
I'm kinda amazed by how many times I've texted the word penis today.
Found my underwear in a solo cup. That about sums up this weekend.
we somehow managed to fit a llama, a stripper pole and a hayride all into the same day.
We are planning a drunk snapchat treasure hunt for tomorrow, and the treasure is his penis, this is a game I'm not willing to loose.
feelin groggy baby? need a coffee? vitamins? a nice good fuck on the piano?
AHHHHHHHHH. I LEFT A GLASS NEXT TO ME WHEN I FELL ASLEEP I'M SO SURE IT WAS WATER BUT NOW IT'S VODKA JESUS MADE A STOP
A unicorn in pinstripe pants just got on the J at Dolores stop. It can only be a good night
I seriously just forgot to push down the toaster twice in a row \n\nSo I've been waiting 8 minutes for toaster strudels that I haven't even started... Too high
walk of shame across osu's campus on game day. i can see all the spots i threw up last night. its like my personal yellow brick road.
Drunk is a universal language darling
Well now I’m in the bathroom puking up absinthe so guess I beat myself up over it one way or the other
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