If I had a nickel for every time somebody called me a bad person I would have enough money to check into rehab
Thats cool. we found a cat INSIDE a coke machine.
he just spelled fiance, "pheancie". I dont think he's ready to get married.
So the next morning, she had to tell her kids we were moving furniture around all night.
How long is it safe to eat only Hot Pockets and Popsicles?
Well if my looks don't work with her I'll eat the 50 nuggets to impress her fat roommate.
2nd year in a row being a arrested before school starts...tradition at its finest
White people are beatboxing! Save me.
Im glad the only reason we got out of bed today was to get Halloween candy on sale.
Got a 72 hour restraining order. Can we meet monday? Let me know!
Sorry I just took 4 pills about 20 minutes ago so I'm feeling like a claw machine like people tell me were I need to go and what to do and I'm just like yes sir so I get the teddy bear but I set it on fire and it's kinda black on one side and there might be smoke coming off it.
I'm over my straight phase. They all turned out to be idiots and none of them got me off. I'm going back to hot girls with strap ons.
Lesson learned:nothing good comes from an at home wax kit.
let me assure you that a rugburn on your forehead is the worst side effect of tequila i have experienced to date.
I need a significant other who'll eat Skittles from my boobs
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