I'm afraid we're only dating because we're too lazy to look for anyone else.
Becky drew a cock on my face and is making me sit on the step.
what did you do that she drew a cock on your face and supplemental questions why did you let her?
Holy jesus god. My teeth taste like street.
Its weird to pet your cat with a boner
What the fuck?
He managed to completely creep out every girl I was with last night. It was almost inspiring how efficient it was.
He posted on my wall. Idk if I'm ready for that big of a commitment.
All i want to do is drink fuck and cry... you dont have to cater all three its more like the saddest choose your own adventure ever
I think I'll bring the beer we scavenged from that other party. What goes around comes around, especially when it's Corona because that shit is not staying in my fridge
Besides. I don't even really like sex because it feels great. I like it because for thirty minutes I own that guys ass.
I mean I sucked his dick at 3 AM... UNDERWATER. I think I have earned a follow back on twitter.
He is sitting on the foor in the soup aisle saying "to each their own soup"
If I had your job the next day id be on the news. And not the good news. Like fox & friends. Nancy grace would have my ass.
How do u even exfoliate your vagina
not ubering you a puppy
I must be pretty memorable. I was walking past this dude and he goes "There's the Scotch Girl." I have ZERO clue who he is, but I'm definitely the Scotch Girl.
Randomize
