your head's too prwtty to be stuck in the books
Did you read the article making fun of the right wing extremists? How they organized this 'tea party', and to propagate it they would mail teabags to their senators? And it became a verb...they had posters saying 'teabag obama!' yeah...
A message to Mrs Obama perhaps?
You need to get here now. A drunk girl just stumbled into our apartment. shes laying on the floor by our door.
I woke up to his little sister feeling me up. I guess it's time to meet the family.
it was like i was on a global safari of uncircumcised men
Swear to god, if I have to wingman for you on my honeymoon I'm gonna be pissed
If you hear screaming in the middle of the night, bat got loose. Call poison control immediately and explain rabies
He slow fucked me. Doggy style. On a porch. You never slow fuck doggy style. Its a law. A LAW.
My sister was borrowing my phone when the sext came through. She just said "wow. He's got a nice dick!" Then went on like nothing happened. Outed by a dick pic and its no big deal. Best sister ever.
Dude. I might have just seen some porn i wasnt ready to see. The chicks were so old.
Just realized i left my bra at his house. WHY do i suck at one night stands?!
Hey are you going to the pride parade? If so get me a shit ton of condoms
Saying someone's good at giving head is like saying someone is good at pouring juice like there is that one girl who will spill it everywhere but for the most part it's not that hard to be good at
Just realized that I bailed on you guys yesterday just so I could get wendy's. it was worth it but still, sorry
RICK FUCKING MORANIS!!!!!
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