Just threw up in a trash can by the ATM. Then pulled out money for weed.
Get here now. This is going to be possibly my most dangerous idea ever, and I'm the guy who challenged a hobo to a breakdance fight.
On the bright side I still get a $20 referral bonus at the plasma center even though he passed out during donation because he was so high.
This girl did not understand, once police sirens go on, road-head needs to STOP
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
BTW. If I show up really drunk and dressed a cowboy, don't be alarmed
Speaking of roommates, Kelsey and I woke up to urine in our trash can. Neither one of us is willing to admit to it so we've come to the conclusion that someone snuck into our room in the middle of the night
Tell me why I woke up spooning a hamburger like it was a teddy bear.
Oh my god there's only so much masturbating one can do before one wants to fucking cry
When you're really drunk, Japanese toilets just have an unnecessary amount of buttons.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
you'll probably come home to me baked as fuck and shirtless
He wanted to watch a Charlie Brown thanksgiving. But I was like, fuck that, I'm a grown up. So we watched jumanji and I sucked his dick.
There is a huge fucking spider in my bathroom....I can just burn our apartment down right? What do you need me to grab?
I think I just got suckerpunched by a 14-year-old.
shit... I double booked my fuck buddies
Decisions were made. The quality of them will be judged tomorrow
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