Do I have a sign around my neck that says "SWM desperately seeking ultra-plus-size woman that likes everything I do"? I swear they're organized
No, but you do have a sign around your neck that says "Free cupcakes."
I feel like I had eight dicks in my mouth
i love you. like a brother. a brother that i had sex with more than once.
Aww. I feel like I need to kill a puppy just to make room in the world for how cute you are right now
My only downfall is that I can only take shots in twos.
On a scale of 1 to "bad descision", where does stealing my racist neighbors dog and giving him my roomates dildo for a chew toy rate?
There is not greater feeling than lying to your boss and leaving work to shit in the comfort of your own home
One good thing out of all this is her ass is huge. Like Australia Big.
If I die tonight, I want you to have the rest of my nachos. And my porn collection.
Well I woke up naked, with a santa hat on, and a bag of beef jerky next to me. So yeah, I would say it was a pretty successful trolley
Wellp yesterday was spent absurdly hungover and today was spent in planned parenthood so I hope that's not an indication of the year to come
Your cousin just directly asked you for nudes
My throat is burning
Thats because you proceeded to drink the salsa because you thought it was alcohol...dumbass
within five minutes of being here her dog found my vibrator in my bedroom and was carrying it around all proud! and her mom is here. so embarrassing :(
Feel free to drag me back to reality at your convenience
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