I want to have your abortion
I just cleaned my sheets and decided to do a black light test. My headboard is a masterpiece.
When he went down on me, I saw his bald spot... It completely ruined the experience
Why is Kyle using one of my nieces as a blunt object to provoke and attack my other niece?
All I want in life is to get high, take a shower, and him to go down on me. Simultaneously. That's legit my idea of heaven.
Using the balance in my bank account I just calculated how many fifths of vodka I can buy this year. Don't let me buy food, all my money is reserved for alcohol
So this tall girl jumped in our cab and I was like hey I have pics of u on my phone. It wasn't creepy at all
She curled up in the corner, screamed "THE BLANKET IS SO WARM" and promptly passed out with her face in the dogbed. No one bothered to reposition her.
Mistakes were made. Hot mistakes that I want to make again. But tapping your employee is def a mistake. Esp in front of two other employees.
Are you feeling okay?
Right now, not a single thing feels even slightly okay. That hungover.
MY TWIN SISTER IS ENGAGED. I REPEAT, MY SCREW UP OF A SISTER IS ENGAGED. THIS IS NOT A DRILL.
I'll be there in 20 with vodka.
WE HAVE TO LEAVE. I HAVE HAD SEX WITH WAY TOO MANY PEOPLE IN THIS BUS STATION.
It's going to be like a slumber party but with ketamine
All I want is a hot dog on a Saturday at 2:19 is that to much to ask?!
We're like a married couple, but we only have sex on college holidays and other people's birthdays.
Randomize
