I have funfetti in my underwear...will you come get me?
i wish i could just hire someone to go down on me every night until i fall asleep
let me put it this way. im never saying "join in or get out" again unless i know whos in the room.
Contrary to what I yelled at them last night, it turns out campus police CAN arrest people...
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
i was actually impressed that she managed to throw up underwater while scuba diving
I puked in the pool and didn't tell them, then they all went swimming. Is it dick to just sit back and enjoy the show?
is it sad that i can describe this night as "the night that i was sober" and we all know which night it was. like literally one night of sobriety.
He was making tequila spiked Arnold Palmers and murmuring things in Spanish.
I love foreign exchange students.
And on top of all this... he just told me to "chill my nips."
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
Dude, she gave me a handski that literally felt like she was starting a lawn mower...
he was inside of, then got up said "we don't want you having a baby," grabbed his car keys and left. so now i'm just sitting on his bed, wondering if he's coming back.
A man just sang Jennifer Lopez to me out his car window. I am not sure how I feel about this, but it is not positively.
If I had your job the next day id be on the news. And not the good news. Like fox & friends. Nancy grace would have my ass.
Well at least I still have a burrito in my pocket.
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