You up for the gym tonight after work?
I'm up for a light workout and a nice yog.
Fair enough, I'm gonna hit it hard today.
Chris Brown style, or less felonious?
Haha, all felonious.
oh my god I didn't know your sister was this good at french kissing
If she catches me sniffing the seat of her office chair again, she's either going to fire me or fuck me
He had a stripper pole in his bedroom. I didn't know whether to be impressed or creeped out.
I know. I just don't want anything else. I have no other desire. Just a ham sandwich.
I honestly don't know what to make of that.
A ham sandwich would be nice.
the number of desperate girls at the gym right now is unfair. it would be cruel not to let one blow me.
A girl at the bar is wearing green body paint instead of a shirt. Where are you?!
Can you work for me at 4? We might have just taken some drugs we found in the couch and... end of story
I feel like saying your blowjobs are worth a burrito is not the best strategy to get him to be more giving in bed.
I didn't think it was possible but he dislocated his thumb during intercourse last night then cried
Should I take a fireball shot or brush my teeth?
Where are you and why are you fighting with a bird?
Basically all I do anymore is get stoned with my cats, and then we share goldfish.
I can always count on you to keep my boobs honest
don't worry dude i have your phone, text me when youre gonna come get it
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