it sounds like her vocal chords are covered in pudding and rocks. come get me.
I have a feeling this won't be the last time I wake up wrapped in a shower curtain with the words "Blame Bono" spray painted on it
He took out the lube and started calling it fuck fluid
I'm coming over to use your dick. I need to take my aggression out on something. Hope that's cool.
The baby slept soo good last night. Its like he knows the importance of me being intoxicated all weekend.
and now her best friend is massaging my table under the leg. this may not end well.
THERE IS PRACTICALLY A BEER FUCKING WATERFALL
And nobody saved him?? That chick had like three teeth TOPS
could you please tell me why you thought vodka soaked band aids were a good idea?
Haha...we lost by one cup to a guy w shitty facial hair. What makes me most mad abt the loss is that I could grow a better beard on my vag.
If I was gonna be at your campus for halloween weekend, I'd dress up as the masked horny fairy and give out condoms. I'm so thoughtful.
I just pulled the nickels from earlier out of my bra in class. The guy next to me is either terrified or intrigued.
My new hobby is moving his stuff to random places in the house. Good luck making a smoothing at 6:30 in the morning, the blender top's in the dog food container
HAVE BEEN SPEAKING IN RUSSIAN ACCENT FOR 5 HOURS
SHIRT GONE
saying im screwed is like saying the titanic took on a little water.
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