Sooo, drunk me had the sense of mind to write down everything that happened last night.....I bet you thought you'd get away with what you did to my parrot.
She's like a coupon for free blow jobs. No purchase necessary.
im giving 12 year olds life advice. this is probably illegal somewhere.
Just got the test results back. All clean, Now whose an idiot for going bareback in South America for 3 months straight.
Yes, she did suck your dick in the bathroom to wake you up.
Does he not understand that naked slip and slide needs supervision after dark?!
I just saw her take the entire bowl of lime wedges from the bar and pour them all in her purse, and now using the empty bowl as a hat. Waiting for security to come and throw her ass out.
he ate me out like 4 times and told me that my vagina "was too much fun".
Hello and welcome to the game 'Matt needs weed'! Rules are simple: first one to find a bag wins the fabulous prize of getting stoned with yours truly. Thank you for playing and good luck!!
Got head last night. Had the 3D glasses on the whole time.
We created a neighborhood watchdog drinking game
He literally took a shit in my bathroom and then broke up with me.
She said it was unconventional for me to yell "Shazam!!" when I came inside her.
Going overboard is basically 75% of my personality
I'm a gorgeous hot mess
i found 4 slices of pizza in my toaster, and a can of unopened soup in my blender.. wtf?
Randomize
