My goal for the party is to get everyone in a diaper. Reasonable?
Dont you think its a little early in the relationship for sexting?
birth control and beer are two of the most beautiful creations ever invented.
I'd love to come and give you a massage, but we already duck taped my keys to the ceiling...
Just registered some guy for opium withdrawals. WTF opium withdrawals, who does opium anymore.
maybe it wasnt such a good idea to pregame our lease signing...
I walked in on you eating olive oil off of a plate. you gave me this look and I just started crying. we were that drunk.
If I end up married to you I better get lots of orgasms to help me forget I failed at life.
I was gonna buy a KIA, but then I remembered how awesome the sex was in the back of a Hyundai so I went with that.
I vomited out my contact lenses last night
I like being woken up by phone calls of you sabotaging marriages
I want you to know I am at work super hungover and I threw up in the mop sink. I feel like you will appreciate this
You're my fucking hero
My fuck buddy just proposed... Correct me if I'm wrong, but doesn't that completely defeat the purpose of FRIENDS with benefits?
Now you can be friends with Insurance Benefits.
I just watched someone put a diaper on a cat..I'm to high for this.
I am certain that you would be a mere freckle on the behemoth of slutty that has taken place at this complex.
Randomize
