You're not pinnochio. Lying isn't going to make it bigger.
I woke up to the bathroom door of steak n shake hitting me in the face at 4 in the morning...
I did shrooms last night. My drug checklist is complete, I can finally graduate.
We have so much sex to catch up on
Jacked up my neck and shoulder hanging on for dear life while I rode him like a boss. Plus my house smells like broccoli, bad! How's YOUR morning?
I don't know, I think it's at least a minor achievement when you can light up with the guy who took your virginity and act like you didn't have and incredibly awkward sexual experience together
Well you should have thought of that before you were reckless with your butt
Is there a classy way to tell him that to thank him for his service I would like to put his dick in my mouth?
"Happy Veterans Day! Now pull down your pants."
just creeped your profile pictures and you should feel satisfied in knowing that you had great eyebrows even before people started drawing them on
I've covered myself in body paint in the likeness of R2D2 and I still didn't get laid. Please explain.
I solemnly swear to help bail you out of jail when you throw a dildo at a politician.
This makes me appreciate being single with no prospects.
And pointless. I'm fully vested in all my calories coming from booze today. The salad just fucks that shit up
Currently standing at the bus stop in just a pillowcase and its fucking snowing
She dry humped my leg in the raw while I was still dressed, came, and then fell asleep on top of me. All I got was a bruised thigh. 2020 needs to end.
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