The funny thing about my wife cheating on me is that the guy probably has genital warts now. Sweet.
i soberly give you permission to do that to me when im drunk
I realized that I earned the name Classy cassie as i was throwing up vodka slushie in my bed with a guy I know by the name extacy boy
you threw up in the oven last night. i found that out after i preheated it to cook a pizza.
Just found out that I was singing john legend songs as I threw up last night. Quality.
Hey. Can you be so hung over that you get a rash?
Crumbling up chips, putting them in salsa, eating with spoon. New level of stoner fatassery. Its so genius/delicous i'm not even ashamed
A total of 95 cents was stuck to my ass the next morning.
The landlord called, GOOD NEWS! Noise violation #2! Something about people singing and fighting with vodka bottles in the parking lot. Well done us.
Just bought the plane tickets. Light headed. Blood rush to clit oh god blue clit. Mayday mayday vagina down!
I agreed not to hook up with any randoms while she's on vacation, if that isn't a show of good faith then I don't know what is...
I can only only sleep there on nights I orgasm cause he snores so loud and if he leaves me hanging one more time ill probably cut off his dick from lack of sleep and frustration
I'll call you on my way home
Oh my god I'm going to die between now and then... can you at least tell me if y'all hooked up???
I threw my shoes out of frustration and walked home barefoot... can you help me find my shoes in the morning
I might be a bit late, couldn't find my pants and had to go to the police station. Unrelated
Randomize
