I have one brief flash of having his dick in my hand. that's all I remember.
Our halfway to Halloween party needs to never happen again. There were waaayy too many wasted cartoon characters passed out in my living room this morning...
Thanks for alerting everyone in our apartment what your one night stand's name is. Could you scream a little louder?
I want to get so drunk, you will need subtitles to understand me. Rough week.
Eating an ice cream sandwich while your little bro gets me weed. May I adopt him?
I thought it was a drawer and tried to pull it out and it wasnt a drawer it was the police call button. I hate everything.
Delete that photo of me. My ass looks WAY to good it in to be on Facebook for everyone to see. You gotta earn that shit.
I need to hump something and I know u understand.
Dude. If I met a dinosaur right now. we'd totally be on the same page. Brainwaves and shit.
My dad sent me a 10 ft beer bong and my mom sent me ideas for future careers. I'll let you guess who my favorite parent is. Also, come over tonight. and bring beers.
Go forth my friend, but don't do any of that fruitful and multiplying shit.
Where is Holly?
Nevermind. i can hear her having sex two doors down
I've never been so drunk at home. I just sat on the toilet playing with toilet paper for ten minutes, I almost made a paper crane.
I have nice boobs. Don't wanna deprive anyone of the experience.
You're a saint.
Saw my doctor at the bar. He bought me a drink. I think he was looking up my medical record on his phone because he suddenly had to go. syphilis continues to fuck with my life
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