Someone in my class is wearing shirt and on the back it says...National Bible Quiz Finalist 2006. Do you really expect me to find a guy here
It doesn't matter if he doesn't speak English because I speak the international language of blowies.
there is no way i can order from that cashier at in n out after she tried helping me while i was drunkenly puking in their bathroom at 11 am
Someone left their drag queen on my couch. On the plus side, he sure does know how to make a mean cup of coffee.
Just saw an all male dolphin threesome from underwater viewing
So nowhere in the dress code does it forbid me from showing up to City Hall in a gorilla suit to meet the mayor.
I love 4am trips to the ER. I feel so responsible for actually making it all the way here.
Last time I was your wingman I had to deal with a girl whose only interest in my body was to clip my toenails. I'm not interested.
I can't believe we really went to walgreens to use their cork opener, bounced and drank a bottle of wine in a sketchy corner...
We drove through Taco-Bell on our way to the ER
I'm getting 800 nuggets from McDonald's
My Easter dress smells like alcohol, men, and bad decisions
he force fed me pizza, ripped my clothes off, almost broke the couch, and actually broke my nose. it was a good night, i'd say 😂
I was grinding on my boss last night. So Monday will be fun. That's what's going on in my life right now.
Thanks for loaning me your shower and panties. My hubby is awesome, but I shouldn’t go home commando, smelling like lube and sperm again
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