I can mark tailgating, going to the game and getting road head off my to do list today
I just saw on the news, this guy tried to smuggle coke in a bouquet of roses... and to think I used to hate valentines day.
The security guard told you that the room was off limits and you just looked at him and said,"Its okay, I have a beard".
while you laid on the ground I poured water into your mouth out of dog bowl some random guy walks by and said now that's what I like to see.
But he found my shoe...that at least deserves a handjob.
On a lighter note, my mom and I were playing scattergories, and for "things that you keep hidden" we both put dildo. Proof that we really are related.
Remember that time we got drunk tomorrow
Also, I pretty much need an IV of fluids straight to my soul
Blowing lines in the bathroom and trying to get into the mindset of someone who wants to be at work for 12 hours
I was desperate and wasn't about to let my cereal get soggy so I ate it on the toilet. Don't let me repeat last night.
The last thing I need is a possessed urethra.
Got arrested last night. My cell mate just added me on Facebook.
I'll seduce him with my charm, after all, I am a graceful swan.
More like a demented cow.
My professor just told my lab he could drive us around town in his 1991 Lincoln towncar limo for our bar crawl. This just keeps getting better!
Just got high with dad
Correction: more high. He's sharing gummy bears with me.
Randomize
