They call it the Collection Couch because all 4 room mates have slept with at least 3 different girls on it. He tried to seal the deal with "would you like to be number 14?"
And sadly I did.
I've spent the last three hours watching 30 rock and eating marshmallows and ham. I'm considering taking up weed to justify my lifestyle.
Ia nefed hefelkp i am a taxi
I just found that video of you jumping onto my exercise ball feet-first and face-planting into my shoe rack.
Hey guy that stepped on my foot, don't slap my ass to apologize.
I left for five minutes and Chris wound up half in women's clothes, half naked. And the naked half was covered in shamrock stickers.
I got dressed on his front steps, peed on his neighbors lawn, then did a shoeless walk of shame home at 5am...
On the upside I'm hairless from the waist down. On the downside, I just chemically burned my labia
He told me how it ended, then I blew him.
So he ruined the best cinematic experience of your life and you REWARDED him??
I did my patriotic duty. I woke up next to a veteran this morning.
who the fuck is meatball and why is he telling you to nap on the bar
How does a face ride mean we're back together?
I changed his name in my phone to "Irrelevant" last night. Not changing it back.
My early Valentine's Day one night stand just took an uber home. Thank you, technology, for letting me enjoy this day in peace. 😍
You've hit rock bottom, swam around the ocean floor, and brought back silverware from the titanic.
Randomize
