Im glad youre not pregnant with that New Jersey assholes baby. Your vagina would have smelled worse than Newark.
the 3rd commandment: and god said, if you buy a handle.. you must finish it.
Hindsight: maybe I should have included a few transitional texts in between talking about your son and my need to have sex. Do over?
You're being dramatic. You can calm down, or you can piss off. Either way, I ate your burrito.
I'm sorry I compared your vagina to nascar
There's a lady here with a big bag of dildos. I'm not sure that's appropriate bar baggage but, I like her style
You can't find true love with Budweiser and a futon
The man who lives downstairs is fluent in Russian, and also a playboy. You should meet.
Well we had to pull over on a side street in town so I could throw up while moms were driving by with car loads of kids, I feel like I just performed a lil silent AA film for the childrens
I just shaved my pubes into a heart shape. if that doesn't scream romantic idk what does
I'm disgusted with myself. Who goes down on their Uber driver? This asshole
my roommates are pretty pissed at me. they sent me out for ice and i came back with a kitten.
As in, legitimately worried. You just sent me a 6 message long text that did not contain any complete words.
Definitely didn't just make out with a guy the same height as me just because we wanted to see what it would be like to not have to reach up....
Just deepthroated a hot dog. Thinking of you
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