I just saw a homeless guy on rollerblades; I don't think I've ever felt sorrier for someone in my life.
I love her so much that if I could have sex with her I wouldn't cuz my dick would feel out of place in such a perfect body/vagina
It's like Facebook knows when I'm about to masturbate and tells me to reconnect with exes.
Normal people don't sit around and watch Degrassi for twelve hours...
FUCK YOU.
I just stepped on my own foot and apologized to my shoe... THAT high.
She asked me why I was wearing a Batman Suit. Have I ever needed a reason to wear a Batman Suit?
in hindsight, the duct tape banana hammock was a bad idea.
I'm not being over dramatic, but I think my heart is going to stop beating.
Drinking with a woman who gave an anti-drugs speech at my high school. Somehow, not surprised.
Believe it or not, Travis and I simultaneously breaking beer bottles over eachothers heads was not a good idea.
I'll never get why we had to sing the entire full house theme to the cab driver.... never drinking rum again.
I'm hungover laying in my moms bed watching Space Jam.. Adult Life..
Hungover playing piano at a baptism I am the PICTURE of class I feel like I should be struck by lightning
The first time he ever tried to hold my hand, I moon walked away.
You barfed off the front porch while the elderly neighbors were walking their dog. We had to convince them not to call 911.
Pics or it didn't happen.
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