I just walked in on my mom and dad......It wasn't my dad
the pool opens at 11. by 1115 the ambulance had been called.
I told him he didn't want "flip-flop extraction" on his medical history.
But I thought everyone had breakup sex?
oh good. ive just found out that i went downstairs at 6 am still blacked out and had a 30 minute conversation with my mom about the different ways to feed our dog
She started to rub her ass on my shoulder and i instantly thought "i am going to get E. Coli"
Lol I just left. He's funny and he's cute. Downside: he thinks he can outdrink us
WHAT IF you could get pizza delivered to you IN YOUR CAR while driving somewhere. Like moving roadside service.
You're High aren't you?
Sooooo high
our jesse-walt dynamic is actualy really perfect because i want to start a small time drug empire and you want to get high a lot its very accurate
Oh god it's open bar.
Did you happen to find the other half of my bra last night?
No problem...what are friends for if they can't rub eachothers genitals.
The cat just brought me a bottle opener. I think she's my soulmate.
I'd ask how but then you'd tell me.
Today I saw someone riding a horse on the sidewalk by aldi when I went to walmart. Old town road was playing on the radio. It was perfect.
Just got high with dad
Correction: more high. He's sharing gummy bears with me.
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