You guys sftrill at mcdondalds?!!!!
Yes.
fuckin bring me a cheseburgeria
It wasn't long before I skipped the martini glass and went straight to drinking from the shaker.
apparently i broke a 100 dollar bill to tip the bartender on a free drink
a chick just tried to cover her fart by sneezing. it didn't work
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theres no cameras in the kitchen right? cause i dont wana get fired for peeing in the kitchen in a cup
I'm sorry about your car but on a brighter note I did wake up in my dorm. That's something right?
Fuck you.
guess who's bored in chemistry researching how to sneak weed through airport security in her vagina?
I know you claim to have a large penis but I do not believe in what i cannot see. Sort of like god.
The kid in the park, who was on a leash I might add, looked at us and yelled "stranger danger" before hiding behind his dad
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Called Jeff last night and told him I wanted to have sex in the airport terminal. Blackout Brooke definitely came out last night.
He stood me up and then his cat died. I feel like this is Gods way of saying he's on my side, even after the tequila fiasco.
My date bailed but I got to take a nap so I'm cool with it.
Last night was like blooper reel sex. He dropped me!!
How do you teach a grown ass men how to fuck? Why is good sex so hard to find these days?
At what point did i decide poptarts, nyquil, and whiskey was a good idea?
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