$4 taco and $400 parking ticket. i am not a cheap date.
I just walked by a party bus on my way to study. God hates me.
His fuck buddy just got fake tits and wants him to 'come break them in.' I need his life.
you pushed her into a kiddie pool and knocked out her front teeth... and you still managed to get laid. what. the. fuck.
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
Is a wave an appropriate goodbye when your one night stand wakes up and walks out towards the door while you are looking through the garbage for the evidence of a condom?
I remember fighting the chubby dude and the bouncer put me in the full Nelson. Woke up this morning with a dislocated shoulder. We need to finish the rest of this beer though
He shoved his balls through an egg carton and showed us a picture. They were surprisingly egg-like.
Bring gay.
By that I meant the rum. I just realized that my request made no sense. You always bring gay.
ecstacy + fleshlight = not all that upset about being newly single anymore
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
I'm on this new diet called "I have 10$ till next Friday, I have rice
So... Really random... You know we only exist cause Dad misspelled 'perseverance', right?
I just want to pat him on the head, bake him some cookies, and reassure him that, someday, he will get laid.
Why is it that the asexual in our group is the one that gets laid the most often??
Still alive. Just brushed my teeth with fireball.
He noticed my new Lipstick so later tonight it's going to be on his dick.
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