i felt like cinderella. except at midnight i turned back into a whore.
she quoted hannah montana in her facebook status. i will never be speaking to her in person again.
im goin to the NYE party with a tuxedo painted on my body. i know a girl who does it. wanna join?
If for any reason you were wondering if i was going to vomit at the airport today, the answer is yes.
As she was leaving she said "You have an awesome penis, I hope to use it again soon" I need that on a business card to hand out at the bar
Hes wearing a shirt that says warning shitshow and i cant help but think his attorney made him wear it so ppl know the dangers.
Whatever happend to that lawsuit where he got sued for shittig in that fish tank
Hi this is the guy from the cell phone store. Your Dad just upgraded your phone as a surprise. I didn't tell him about your topless pics on your phone. I transfered them to new phone. Nice rack!
If you come home and I'm pantsless with cake smeared all over my face, I'm sorry.
Of course I'll be there. I never miss an opportunity to smell like cigarettes, cheap beer, and shame.
It may not have seemed like it to you, but I was very sad that I was cheating on my GF with you. I was crying on the INSIDE.
You are the only person I know who has a fierce hatred for a five year old. Not even five year olds in general, yours is very specific
Just want to apologize again for asking to spot your form in the shower.
I found a hair colour I want in a porn.
dude new orleans is fucking wild these two guys just performed dueling banjos except they were actually fighting with the banjos
I just apologized to a wet floor sign i walked into.
Randomize
