If I ever start a band I'm gonna name it "Nancy Reagan's Vagina"
six shots in, he is hammered and doing stretches before each shot
Saw my boss's vagina at that party. Hung over at work has never been more acceptable
I'm sick of being the only unemployed member of the group. Doing things alone isn't partying. Its sad.
also found a pic of my head in the microwave from the other night.. hmm
I told you, I don't give a SHIT about their music. I JUST. WANT. TO FUCK. THE BASSIST.
That boy needs some memories to take back home with him
Add caroling to the list of things we need to do in an elevator
I have the best idea for a new business. It's going to be called "Lamb-Scape". We are going to cut lawns using lambs. You just put 5 or 6 on a lawn and they eat the grass #allnatural
YOU SAID YOU WERE OUT OF POT
..........
Shout out to this stomach virus for helping me prepare for whatever slutty Halloween costume I decide to wear.
I'm pretty sure my roommate is moving out because her cat likes me better
did i just pee glitter
Bad news man, we're gonna have to reschedule Golden Coral: The Musical
I don't know who the fuck this is, but right on man
Listen, you eat the donut. I eat you out. Everybody wins.
Dude. So. Much. Sex. Find a girl in her 30s. Now.
Randomize
