With sake I got over my irrational fear of seafood. Now I just fear sake.
Sorry if I ruined your sex last night with my constant text updates about the plot of Bolt.
You've picked up chicks by quoting metal bands
When they're drunk they believe it's Shakespeare...enjoy the simple things
I just watched a girl in the library pull a vodka bottle out of her bag. I think I'm going to give her my number.
Any night you end up on the couch next to the trash can with a bag of white wine on your head is a rough night.
I made this pact with my vagina, though. No more heartless fuckery.
Legitimate concern. Who am I going to have birthday sex with?
Just went trick or treating in my kitchen. Found chocolate and scotch. Happy fucking Halloween
he's singing something in russian and knocking over my plants with his dick, get his drunk ass out of my apartment
HE STUCK IT IN THE FISHBOWL WTF
Kyle found me outside his apartment in the hallway. Said he didn't hear me knock bt smelled alcohol through the door. I'm sucha bitch to my liver
If I had 3 wishes one would for sure be a designated driver for life that gives hand jobs.
Power lunch with dad, pain pills and tequila shots. Dad does Monday hard.
Between fucking and sleeping I woke up missing four out of five of the earrings I was wearing. It's like a star rating system. I had to give him props.
you're like an angel sent from heaven to guide my sex life into greatness
Thats so sweet
boys just don't understand what they're missing out on.
he's missing out on my boobs looking marvelous this evening.
Randomize
