What a fucking waste of an outfit
Afterwards she kept poking it and saying "it looks so sad and small" I dont know if I wanted to reach this state in our relationship...
Shut up. It sucks being the ugly friend, I would know, but someones gotta play the role
We told our cab driver we'd give him 3 grand if he pit maneuvered you guys in your cab.
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
I like how he had to correct himself in stating that I was the fat one in the threesome.
It's home.......I'm going to the store in disguise to get skittles and cake frosting. Then I'll eat the frosting in a dark corner while I cry and wonder what I did to deserve this.
Seriously! We need to take her a thank you note or something. She puts up with the drugs and the extremely loud sex. She deserves a thank you card.
He said he was gonna go pull a lochte and the next thing we know he's outside ass naked peeing in the neighbors kiddie pool.
Had a grope session with a girl who looked like my Mom and had the same name as her as well. I think therapy is in order.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
No my first time having an orgasm with you will not be on face time
My rule for unemployment is that I can't smoke before noon.
I haven't gotten up before 1 though, so it hasn't really impacted me.
Woke up pants less in the vacant apartment across the hall. It was unlocked because they were showing it to someone. When they walked in I woke up and said "this is a great place to live" and walked out
I'm pretty sure I lit a prostitute's cigarette while sharing a pizza with a homeless guy last night
I found where he bartends and I guarantee you that in approximately nine months from this Friday, you will have a niece
Maybe whip a sausage around while you do it and pour some beer on you. Like a German white snake video
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