I want your puppy
I meant pussy
I would rather you take my puppy
yea..i want to get out of new york for a bit too but for the love of god not to new jersey. that's like getting tired of the stripclub and getting yourself a toothless prostitute.
He played with my vagina like it was a turntable
My mom assumed I was crying because he was leaving. Figured that was better than explaining my eye's sensitivity to semen..
Chasing 100 proof soco w water from the tap at 4 pm, it's gonna one of those kinda Thursdays...
Okay. thanks for sacraficing your body and risking aids for our snowcone business.
I have family pictures in an hour and a half and I'm 9 beers deep. This is how I get written out of my grandparents will...
Do you think county jail has a Groupon?
Feel like I died but someone put me In a human microwave and I got back to life.
He'd pee in it. And since it's PBR I'd have no idea
We accept all of your sexual lovers, Jewish, episcopalian, atheist. Dick is dick
All I remember about last st pattys day was I was in a bathtub with full bubbles, fully clothed, drinking out of a flamingo lawn ornament that someone cut a hole in.
And you seriously thought you could just walk in naked with a bow tied around your penis?
It seemed like a good idea at the time...
Seriously if we go to rome ur fucking me into the sunset on a wrought iron balcony overlooking Vatican City
Can’t fucking wait for Tuesday night. Have another situation that popped up. I swear my life is like a cross between a soap opera and a porno
Randomize
