it was like she wanted to be a once a week night stand
you had a panic attack, pissed yourself, and started crying. you never go above the kiddie level of my lil bros schools haunted house ever again.
round 2?
EVER.
he said 'i want to be the peanut butter to your jelly, just without the crust' and then tried to take me shirt off
my grandma just put on bowling shoes, to play wii bowling.
Sex and the city 2 and twilight getting released in the same month. God hates mankind.
better to have posed nude and lost than to never have posed nude at all...thats what i always say
He literally stopped in the middle of sex to look up sex positions on his iPhone...
Well when you're drinking tequila mixed with water out of a steve Austin cup I really don't think acquiring a straw is your main priority
Do you have any booze?
Well I have 60 feet of bubble wrap and a bottle of wine...but I'm saving that for a special girl...
I've been drunk in my life. But I've never been "crying in 5 Guys at 1 in the afternoon" drunk
you know you've had too much sex when your vagina hurts when you laugh
I just recorded myself pooping, then uploaded to google drive, then connected to my pc through teamviewer then downloaded it, then played it to the living room while still pooping. God I love the internet.
Can you please stop fucking every bartender in the city? Just once I want to have a Jack and Coke without fielding questions about your availability.
My one night stand asked me out to dinner. When he came to pick me up I got in the back seat. I thought he sent an uber. Awkward.
the sex got boring after the first three hours
holy shit
Randomize
