mondays should just be called national damage control day
Ok, so for future reference, in Rome, "piano bar" means "brothel".
sitting on my lesbian neighbors couch, sexting, & eating a burrito.. that single
We thought she was passed out on the toilet, but she raised her head to tell me the word I couldn't remember was "empathize." Then she puked blood and passed out.
My vagina is not really on board with my "emotional issues"
You should fuck with them and beat off in the cup and then walk out an be like, "This was a sperm donation right?"
You will never know an awkward moment until your parents pick you up from a one night stand.
I just bought a bong from a hot dog stand.
You showed up at my front door in a bikini with a fifth of tequila it was like the opening to a porno
60% of the guys I've slept with are on my holiday greeting card mailing list. I'm an amazing ex lover.
Am I the only one who saw the used condom in the driveway this morning
I would date him. For 1 month. Just so I could say I was a trap queen for 1 month.
Holy shit last night was like the irresponsible Olympics for me
I really need to get a comfy set of masturbating shoes
Am I the only person in the world that does not give a shit about the avengers?
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